The girls are with their dad this morning, which gives me a rare Monday morning to myself. So far, I’ve accomplished a workout, breakfast, a couple of loads of laundry, a shower, and, obviously, sitting down to blog. At first I had no idea what to write about, just that I had time and should take advantage of it before two adorable distractions with half my DNA make that difficult if not impossible.
At first, I had a really hard time with the girls being away for long periods of time. Spending the night at their dad’s house was difficult for me. Not because I didn’t trust him or didn’t think that they would be ok there. I suppose it was a collection of reasons. As a working mother, I cherish any time I get with my kids (and feel a smidge guilty about any time I have the opportunity to be with them and for some reason don’t take it, even if that reason is entirely justifiable). As a homeschooling part-time-at-home mother, I feel that every second with my kids is a chance to invest in them and sometimes that makes doing anything else with that time seem like a waste.
Obviously, once I type those reasons and look at them, they seem kind of insane. But this is about honesty. And those are things that go through my heart and head when I think about my children. While we were married, I was able to live in that mom-responsibility haze without too much interference. When I was not at work, I did not often leave the house without the girls or have a lot of “me time” to feel guilty about. Now that we have two separate households, they are of necessity at the other one occasionally and this does force me to wrestle with who and what I am when I’m not “hey, mom!”
I have always had my own hobbies and interests and have long advocated that moms do something to maintain their own sense of identity is crucial to their parenting and, if applicable, their marriage. So the concept is not anything new to me. But, if I’m being totally honest, aspects of the practice are. The first time they were away at his house overnight, I struggled. I struggled to sleep. To find things to fill my time. Worried if they were ok. With practice, it’s gotten easier. Now I build a list of things that I can get done on those days (which helps me avoid doing those things while they are with me, and results in time for more games and stories and tickles with them when they are here). And every time I pick them up or they are dropped off after an outing with daddy, it’s just a little bit more exciting when we see each other again.
Things getting a divorce has taught me, number 4: sometimes absence DOES make the heart grow fonder. And sometimes it can even be fun. 🙂